11/24 pop-outs

Desperation comes in handy.

You try so hard to dig yourself out of the situation…

to pull yourself out of the pit you’ve fallen into.

You smile, you laugh, you smile, and you laugh again..

But at the end of the day, it’s down to you and your pitiful soul…

hiding the truth that deep inside, every breathe hurts.

You try so hard to get out but you only fall deeper.

losing him, loving me...

I find myself looking at my dull, plain reflection for about the nth time. Endlessly hoping for an eternity, I looked at it again. And again. And again. The shell ornamented bathroom mirror only reflected pain. He stood me up again. No excuses, no apologies, no alibis, no lies…nothing. I cupped my hands into my face as tears that seemed endless like a river came down streaming. Feelings of anguish took over me. The once “responsible” type of girl seemed to vanish in thin air. Thoughts of gloom filled my head. Once sensitive, now, numb. I am not myself anymore and I know it. But how can I alter such fact?

Sadness fills me in as I recall all those times he left me hanging in the dark, left me with no reason at all. All the times he hurt me and made me believe in something that was never there to begin with. He played me along his fingers. And I blamed myself for letting him to. The wounds have gone too far, too deep in hurting me when I realized it was too much.

On the verge of my thoughts, he came up like a phantom, face to face with me. He pleaded for another chance. "Baby, I promise to make it up to you,” he said. Another chance?! His words made my body ache all over. I blankly stared at him. He resembled a Greek god…angelic face, soulful eyes. He is after all my greatest weakness. But I have to be strong, if not for all, at least for myself. Before I knew it, he kissed me... it was long, deep and passionate. I poured all my supressed emotions in that kiss. But reality struck me and, I broke apart from him. I shoved him away. Enough of this. I need to free myself from the lies that captivated me. I need to be free from my chains. If I don’t do it now, I don’t think I’ll ever be strong enough again. The only thing in my mind was that I will never lose in letting go, I will only lose in holding back. So, I forced a smile amidst my tears, stood bluntly, walked away from him, and never looked back.

I knew I still loved him. That love is etched in every inch of me. And questioning if all those good memories would happen again was like falling to a pitfall. The pain of missing him was unbearable as it could ever be. His sense of humor, his aura, his voice, I could never forget. A feeling of nostalgia brushes me every now and then. But then we'll always have 'those good memories'. Carrying these wounds, I ironically realized my freedom. That fact brought me some relief.

Now, as I look in the mirror, I see a different me; my eyes sparkle more brightly, a wider smile and a lighter heart. I may have lost over love but I gained so much more. I am now back to myself…the real me and not anymore the wrecked girl I used to be. I finally learned to love the girl in the mirror, appreciate her beautiful reflection with a smile and for now...

that’s all I need.ü

sa imong pangutana nganong adunay gilay-on

adunay "gilay-on" aron adunay

masukod ang sulod sa atong dughan,

aron adunay maabot ang atong ghuna-huna

masukod niini ang kal-ang

sa imong ngipon ngadto

sa gilay-on sa imong katawa.

ang distansya sa gabarog nga poste

ngadto sa matag tikang.

tungod sa gilay-on, nasukod nato

ang kahilom sa atong matag pulong,

ang gibug-aton sa nangaging higayon

adunay gilay-on, ug nasayod ka niini

sa susamang rason kung nganong

wa ta magkita, magkakuyog karon

ug kung nganong gahangad ako sa buwan

aron dungawon ang nabating kahaw-ang

by: adonis durado

gakos sa gugma

lisud i.eskapo sa mga maulipong gakos sa gugma

...sama kini sa usa ka itik nga gitangkal

...sama usab sa usa ka iro nga gikadenahan

...ayaw'g panghagis kay sa ulihi ikaw ray muhipos sa imong katag

...ihilak kini aron ug ugma hubag na mga mata

ang musugat kanimo sa samin

...ug kung ang imong mga mata wa nay mapuga na luha

pagsuwat ray paagi na mapagawas tanang gibati

bug.at man kini o dili

...kung maghubog ka'g beer, tabla ra na sa nag tagay ka'g tubig

...kung mubasa pud kag libro, ang galatagaw na huna-huna

ginoo ko wai masabtan bisan pa isa ka linya

...ug kung ang imong kasing-kasing sama sa kabundakon nga uwan

o indayng luoy, bolpen ug papel ra intawn ang karamay

wai hilakay

wai hagisay

wai basulay

ug uban pang "say"

kana sila old stayl

pagsuwat r juy paagi day.

suwat. suwat. suwat. suwat.

ug musugat kanimo ang siplat sa maaninag na kadlawn

ug mudala kini kanimo sa bugtong dan sa kagawasan

ang pait lamang sa kamatuoran kay ang kamatuoran mismo pait

tara, ug ubani ko sa pag-eskapo sa realidad..

kuugi ko sa katapusan nakong gakos

sa gugmang maulipon...

*kung ikaw naminaw sa akong mga pulong,

sila pasenya.i ug wa ko

sa tarong pangisip pg post niini*

more than enough

He asked, "Are you sad?"
And she was quiet, hesitant, unlike herself -
until she shakily shook her head "yes".

And he said nothing,
but ran his hands up her back
and turned her to face him,
pressing his nose against hers
looking softly, hardly breathing,
understanding, not knowing,
not even loving, just comprehension,
comprehension of what she needed:
The hands that brushed her spine
and the hair out of her face
the pressure of his body
and the fact that just then,
he was there.

And she felt more than his skin
and he, more than hers,
and he held her like he held the world.