two souls deprived of the courage to fight against the mad dictates of the world.

are the sole beings we can never be.

----------------------------------------------------------

i do not construct my metaphors playing you as god.
you're too much of ahey s mortal to be one.
i instead, do not write at all.

-------------------------------------------------------

we shared shots.
a night.
and a memory
together.

--
in between the pillows lies our story.
cheers to the night turned morning.

i.am

i breathe in your pheromones.

if it weren't for some, it would have been the best.

---
fcuk.

anthem. lullaby. wish.

I want a little something more
Don't want the middle or the one before
I don't desire a complicated past
I want a love that will last

say that you love me
Say I'm the one
Don't kiss and hug me and then try to run
I don't do drama
My tears don't fall fast
I want a love that will last

[Chorus]
I don't want a just a memory
give me forever
Don't even think about saying good-bye
'Cause I want just one love to be enough
And remain in my heart till I die

So call me romantic
Oh I guess that's so
There's something more that you oughta know
I'll never leave you
So don't even ask
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love that will last
I want a love that will last

[Chorus]

So there's just a little more that I need
I wanna share all the air that you breathe
I'm not the kinda girl to complicate the past
I want a love that will last

Forever
I want a love the love that last
Always
I just want a love that will last
Want a love that will last

emo quote

it's hard to wait around for something you know will never happen, but it is harder to stop waiting when you know it's everything you have ever wanted.

--
i may get what i want, but they dont hang on for that long.

...

i miss the way things were.
of laughing with you.
and at you.

i
miss
being
happy.

0o0o0o0
that is why i dread going home
and my way to it.
because i get to think of all these things.

L-squared

i used to love departures.
i used to love the idea of packing up and never looking back.
oblivion.
letting go of the world you once were so used of having..'til you have grown too big for it. from everything twisted, there is an escape. from the suppresion of emotions, there is freedom. there is an exit. a breather.

but it is not how it works in real life. the heroine doesn't always have to be happy. exits may not exist. freedom may just be an illusion. and an escape may just be another of god's unanswered prayer.

i used to love departures. i hate them now.
i am insaned even by the slight thoughts of losing people and people leaving. of love persevering... but men changing. i have had enough relationship drama to last a lifetime and i should have mastered the art of leaving and letting go. but i haven't.

it is said that it's not what we hold in our hands that is ours. it is what is left when we open our hands and let go. but what if the one who got away was the ONE... if only we had enough guts to fight? what if we never get that shot at happiness again? what if there is nothing left for us to own?

leaving and letting go. two of life's hardest. i used to love them. because way back then, they were so easy.

nov. 10, 2007

congenital fantasy

-=-
all my life, i have been waiting for my lucas.

consolation

direkidt20: x nako gi ask out ko
kim_y8: ang salvadorian?
direkidt20: nope the one before
kim_y8: kinsa??
direkidt20: a mexican
kim_y8: kinsai mas love nimu?
direkidt20: patay
direkidt20: hahaha
direkidt20: <3
kim_y8: answer daun! ehhe
direkidt20: kimmm

kim_y8: hoi i miss u j**. i wanna cry
direkidt20: psh
direkidt20: shut up oi
direkidt20: I MISS YOU TOOO

oOoO
it's good knowing that someone loves you on the other side of the world.
but sometimes, i can help but feel alone.

hiatus

off to Daanbantayan to visit Lola

oohhh lala

sweet caresses
insatiable hunger for each other's skin
union of lips
and the
beautiful collision of tongues
embellished by impassioned domains


let us be..
like lovers,
master the art
of pickpocketing
in the dark

all made legal by age.
by being 18.

thus,
i am not anymore known as kimari.
i am now your inday stimulator.

stimulating
everything
and
anything in between.

oOooOo

writing is confessional

sometimes, we tell the truth out of weakness. we choose not to lie because we accept the fact that we are not strong enough to defend for what we have just created. some choose to write- to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance- because along with the strokes of their pen come their confessions. comes the truth. and nothing more.

all love stories are the same

" if i choose to play the bitch, i could ruin hearts, complicate things, twist love and the life it claims to have. but if i choose to play martyr, many are spared but then, i'd be handing to myself my own guillotine. "

kisses under the moonlight
chained phalanges on long walks
silent hearts during routes on wheels
lol's and fixed gazes aboard 6cs

join with me as i say bye to everything we once called ours.
and to everything we thought we had.

dated: 09.18.07

sometimes, we cling to someone that much because we think that no one great will ever come up to us again. but it is not in holding back that we win.. it is in letting go. men are not supposed to be recycled. once thrown, once freed, they are to stay in the bins reclusion perpetua. killing all hopes of the possible resuscitation of feelings.
a thousand and one times, i wanted to pick up from where we left-- but a thousand and one times, i stopped myself.
goodbye, mister triangle. you can now go back forming hearts with her again.

Raindrops bang like rocks
On my windowpane
I thought they'd never stop
Never see the sun again

And I've been sleeping in
For way too long
Mmm, wake up, enough's enough
Yeah, those days are gone

I'm gonna throw out my raincoat
Mmm, I hope it's all right
Gonna go find me a rainbow
And hang it up in the sky
Blues pass me by

You left me a wreck
Just like a rusty trombone
But some things, they just sting
Enough to move you along, hey

I'm gonna throw out my raincoat
Mmm, I hope it's all right
Gonna go find me a rainbow
And hang it up in the sky
Blues pass me by
Gonna go find me a rainbow
And hang it up in the sky
Blues, oh

I'm not gonna wait around
I'm throwin' this old thing out, mmm, oh

I'm gonna throw out my raincoat
Mmm, I hope it's all right
Gonna go find me a rainbow
And hang it up in the sky
Blues, blues, blues pass me by

Mmm, I don't need those blues hanging around

litanya

" Drinking they say is the haven of the weak. We forge a persona that we only have the courage to

show when we're drunk enough. We escape reality even if it would risk our health. But i tell you

this, the most honest individuals are those who drink to drown.. coz they lose their social mask.

No pretentions.

No limits.

No lies.

That is not weakness, that is being fearless.

And i guess what they can never fathom is that because of intoxication, we become pure. "

-to em, keith, and orlee.. cheers to that night.

afterparty after effect

after doses of margarita, beer and tequila... i am on to blogging.
:)

heart anthem

I gotta say what’s on my mind.
Something about us, doesn’t seem right... these days.
Life keeps getting in the way.Whenever we try,
somehow the plan is always rearranged.

It’s so hard to say,
but I gotta do what’s best for me.
You’ll be okay...

I’ve got to move on, and be who I am.
I just don’t belong here,
I hope you understand.
We might find our place in this world someday,
but at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.

Don’t wanna leave it all behind.
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall every time.
Another color turns to grey.
And it’s just too hard... to watch it all... slowly fade away.

I'm leaving today
cause I gotta do what’s best for me.
You’ll be okay...

I’ve got to move on, and be who I am.
I just don’t belong here,
I hope you understand.
We might find our place in this world someday,
but at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.


TROY:
What about us?
What about everything we’ve been through?


GABRIELLA:
What about trust?


TROY:
You know I never wanted to hurt you.


GABRIELLA:
What about me?


TROY:
What am I supposed to do.......

GABRIELLA:
I gotta leave but I’ll miss you

TROY:
...miss you.

GABRIELLA LEAD, TROY AD-LIBS
So I’ve got to move on, and be who I am.
(Troy: why do you have to go)
I just don’t belong here,
I hope you understand.
(Troy: trying to understand)
We might find our place in this world someday,
but at least for now,
(Troy: I want you to stay)
I gotta go my own way.

I’ve got to move on, and be who I am.
(Troy: what about us?)
I just don’t belong here,
I hope you understand.
(Troy: trying to understand)
We might find our place in this world someday.
but at least for now,
I gotta go my own way.

I've gotta go my own way,
I've gotta go my own way

how hard is it for someone to bounce back from something that has never ended?

-=-
hard, i guess.

THE TENSION OF OPPOSITES
--An excerpt from Tuesdays with Morrie


"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted..

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

---0o0---
that explains me.

--------------------------------
Leaving sometimes isn't a matter of choice. It's coming back that is.

-patricia evangelista, blonde and blue eyes

--------------------

over junk

for striking emotions as if they were ebony and ivory keys
for never sparing me a night of self-induced k.OA.han slash drama
for endorsing tears
i know should be cursing you right now...

you lied.

kid. or joked. whatever.


but i am glad you did.

because by it,
i have found my way back to my pen.
and
i wouldn't have known how much you weighed.
here. inside.

thank you, my SB THTH.

----
p.s
don't do it again, ha?
mamatai nako.
hehe

my heart just died

i have been gone for quite some time. i have traded my pen over pencils drafting health assessment forms, nursing care plans, soapies, hospital charts and all those nursing whatevers.
it hurts not to write. but it hurts more when you refuse the call to write over reasons of 'i just cant'.

he broke the news this morning.
that he won't be around tomorrow. and perhaps, for the days ahead. i was from head to toe wishing he'd take his words back. but he,too, was from head to toe wishing he could. my heart just died. and i am running out of better reasons to wake up in the morning.

that's why i came running back to my pen.
wishing that even for the least chances, writing could stitch whatever is torn.

AND

i am in between. again.

---
save me.

stagnant

borrowing mcarthur's words...

"i shall return."

-
watch out.

---
ka-uyon. ; p

disconnect

-------------------------------
pisces.
scorpio.
-------------------------------

----------------
sparks.
tingles.
and the absence of it all.
----------------

let me hear the words

dear d**,

i am writing this not to bitch about the past but to let you know that i miss you. because it is in this time when i feel like i'm no good and can't do anything right that i remember you. i remember you and how much you believed in your girl. i remember us and the petty fights we had just because i remained unfaithful to me. i remember you and how you used to say "pwede for once, mu believe ka sa imung self?".. and how i get silent but cry at the other end of the line.

now i am going through the same, sad, old drill. except that it's not your voice i hear. and lifting the phone only to listen to such an uncomforting dial tone is the least thing i'd do. but it doesn't take much guts to confess that i need you right now. more than ever. i need you for a replay. for you to say that you still believed in me after all these years.

i loved you. more so when you showed me off to your friends. and each time you wrap me in your arms to save me from too much drama. like a prince fighting for a kingdom with his princess in it. and like how daddies use to hug their little girls.

i hated you for causing me angina pectorises and heart strokes since sophomore years. more so when you sought for better pastures in the arms of another. but whenever i hated you, i stab myself twice. yet god must have known my only yearning.

you came back. and i took you in again. but our worlds were too different. our symphonies too harmonious they couldn't blend. and the love notes we used to dedicate to each other weren't meant to be sung anymore. already non-existent.

and even in memory, you still manage to reimplant the same intensity of pain on this night. after so many years of calling it quits, my mind reruns itself to everything. to us. acting in constant force against the pleas of my heart not to.

we have long buried the past and reopening the casket would weave another story. would mean another thing. i am happy for you... and your girl. i feel happy that at last you stick to only one. she must be that great... coz she makes you hold on for too long. counting years never seemed to be part of your vocabulary back then in highschool. although i am certainly uncertain that you have abandoned your polygamous nature for good.

it's been 4 years since you took my ♥ by storm... but since that august night, i have never been the same. never will be.

i miss you, by.
i need you.

and just so you know, i loved you the most.

----
he'll be unable to read this. i just needed to vent out.

TO YOU

who sees the pain behind the smiles i fake

who knows that i'd prefer anything but peanut butter

....................that i'd choose leftover ice over brought drinks

....................that i'd prefer bigbang over cloud9

................... that i'd be mad being teased with someone i don't like and would never like (even if we were the last persons on earth)

who resurrects an unforgettable melody

who can never stand heavy drama but still did at some point ;)

who's twice as vain

who makes me mad and happy all at the same time

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

and

many more to cum

hahaha

hoi

---
so near yet so far.

5-star night

i love my Halubilo 2007 night. ask me why and i could definitely blabber a million reasons. as much as i want to story tell every single detail, i can't. i am too battered to write and even, think. and am too blushed to even reminisce. hence, i am going to bed... with memories intact.
=D

---
next time.

ethics

no one in my life has held on to their i love you's

--
people leave.
because they choose to.

♥

50% of what i want to say gets through black and white. and the remaining percent gets trapped in my mind. but PARIS, the city of lights and romance.. of public kisses and of sweet candlelights, is such a good thing to miss. gawd, for all the burdens nursing has with it who wouldn't want an escape? i need to go to paris. (ambisyosa!haha) but not now. not yet. and not until you're going. for everything done and undone, i still love paris. it occupies the biggest part of me. 50% and more.

overhaul

old: mental foreplay

>believes writing numbs the mind from all the hurting

>and gives the writer a valid absence from reality

>is into identifying the gray matter between the black and the white

>fascinated by astrology

>loves reading Sheldon books

>but salutes Paolo Coelho

>tries hard to answer the "what if's" with "maybe's"... (until i run out of them)

>knows the wisdom in being pessimistic and staying that way >proponent of "blessed are those who expect less, they shall have more", the the 9th Beatitude

>believes flirting is an art

>NBA fanatic >goes nuts over Chad Michael Murray

>and is crazy over James lafferty

>vulnerable when in love and totally defenseless to the truth >loves bisrock >J's guilty pleasure

>brgeoning model

>haphap! zero visibility at night

>nocturnal gal a.k.a wakwak

>anti-peanut

>ice lover >gives Snow Patrol, Hinder, Silverstein, Teddy Geiger, and Gavin DeGraw a two-thumbs up!

>thinks that critics only mess things even more

>wishes an escapade to Paris

>believes that special meetings are planned by the souls even before the bodies meet

07/07/07

THEY...


Myspace Tickers at WishAFriend.com

---
acute heart pain
related to longoria-parker wedding
as evidenced by sleep pattern disturbances.
and tears.

OA. haha ;)

starstrucked

kiray 2007 fever

remittent. intermittent. relapsing.

****************************************************

when something good happens, something better falls apart.

****************************************************

a song for moi

------

i sing this to myself.
;)

"Come With Me"

[Verse 1]
Oh no no
I know you think it ain't my place, to say how I feel
but I'm going to say it anyway, cause I gotta keep it real
I know you're tired of tryin..to make it be something that's truly not (truly not)
Girl it kills me everyday to see you in tears
and it amazes me the way you put up all these years
You be tweaking, tryna make it work (make it work)
But you keep ending up hurt, oh baby listen to me.....

[Chorus]
You don't have to wait, I can ease yo pain
You don't have to be left out in the rain
Don't you just say you're fed up, tired of love
whatever you need, I got it, Come with me
You don't have to stay up, waiting by the phone
You don't have to ever feel like you're alone
Don't you just say you're fed up, tired of love
whatever you need, I got it, come with me.

[Verse 2]
You're the type that always said, you don't need a man
Who's gonna make you're heart stop, over and again
And now you're telling me that you're OK (High)
But you don't realize you're getting more pain than gain
And I ain't never been, the kind to steer you wrong
If you trust me as your friend then trust me with you heart girl
It'll take a lot to understand you need yourself another man (Woah wow)

[Chorus]
You don't have to wait, I can ease yo pain
You don't have to be left out in the rain
Don't you just say you're fed up, tired of love
whatever you need, I got it, Come with me
You don't have to stay up, waiting by the phone
You don't have to ever feel like you're alone
Don't you just say you're fed up, tired of love
whatever you need, I got it, come with me.

[Breakdown x4]
Don't give up girl (Don't give up girl) [x3]
You don't have to do it baby [Repeat]

[Chorus]
You don't have to wait, I can ease yo pain
You don't have to be left out in the rain
Don't you just say you're fed up, tired of love
whatever you need, I got it, Come with me
You don't have to stay up, waiting by the phone
You don't have to ever feel like you're alone
Don't you just say you're fed up, tired of love
whatever you need, I got it, come with me.

Oh baby, don't give up on love shawty, cause I'm here, I'm here....

survivor

you cursed me when i was little.
you waged war simply to everything i set my sails upon. you said i wasn't good enough. that i can't make it. and somehow you succeeded in persuading me to abandon my self-belief. you loved her. hated me. like i had the genetic pool you so despised of having. i was good and she was better. she was great, i was just fine. she shared the bond while i gave you the bricks to build the wall. i was the villain. the bitchy evil sister. yes, you hated me. but i never gave up on loving you. and like the girl i have always been, i held all the hatred down. what made it harder was the fact that i cannot battle against you. because for all certainty, i know i'd lose.
i knew you had your reasons. i had only one: you are still my granma and my granpa. the greatest duo. and i, will always be your apo. will always be.
now, you bring me 16 years ago and slap to my face how you fed me on bottles of gerber and clothed me with signature baby clothes. but they're material and they really don't suffice to anything in the past. you were an uncontrollable force. and every visit to your place was like summer camp for silent rebels. i wanted to prove you wrong. that i can still satisfy my passions and madnesses without you pulling me down.
now, i bring you to the present.
look at where your curses have brought me to.
hmmmm..
i succeeded all the way, didn't i?

---
i love you still.
bow.
hehe ;)

*the scene*

g: what i wanted? i wanted you to fight for me! i wanted you to say that there was no one else you could ever be with.. and that you'd rather be alone than without me.

b: how was i supposed to know that??

---
hahai.
oh, that was brooke and lucas from one tree.

chill chill

this was a nescafe ad song..
and i loved it since.ü



---
dance with me?
;)

---

girl: i was doing fine in my own little world until you came and took
away the little life it had in it.

---

love hate you.

emo princess

the night is as sweet as the scent you leave in your wake. your gentle and sublime caress will help me get through the night. every grain of sand in the glass torments me like a haunting vision. take a look at me and see the mess i am without you.

-ivern, emo lyricist friend.

* i join him in the cause

of defending the existence

of emo language.

---
i love this.

p.s. to mumi
but not as much as you do.
=D

unforgettable

i hate clutter and organizing my memory-filled drawer is the least thing i would wanna do. but last last night, i gave in to the call. and had my own dose of nostalgia.

a valentine rose from 6th grader fidel marco.
a thorny rose from mark.
a pink one from alpats.
a diary stagnant with details over my first illicit love.
baguio flowers handpicked by magna guy. p
ost-it notes passed during bio class.
torn tickets from unforgettable movies with unforgettable someones.
letter i got from him who was leaving for the states.
pictures which reveal i wasn't really vain. well, not much. yet.

these things paint a mystery i wouldn't choose to unravel. weave secrets i deny even to myself. they define my mess. the waterworks over what should be... but could never be. all the drama i had to spare others. the pride i left decayed.

but still, there are some things i cant tell. an unforgettable date. or night. shared under the same sky over toot and toot. this and that. not because i don't want to but because i choose not to. all backed up by a reason of not wanting that part of my life to end.
not now.
not ever.

perhaps its something close to love.
and perhaps it's something i'm. too. scared. to. say.
but i will.
perhaps.
;)

------
they bind us.

photoshop encounter

*i was too tired to sleep so i experimented with photoshop.
i think it's a great start. ;)

hahai

it's getting worse.
first thing in the morning.
last one at night.
the only thing at dawn.
twistin and turnin.
1
2
3
i count my numbers
and
3
2
1
i count them back

i can close my eyes
i can quit my 123's
but it's you
i can't stop.
it's YOU.

you are not silent.
in fact, you're loud.
just exactly what i need
in my
life.

;)

life's madnesses

i keep a long list of crushes but now, it's all down to nine.
in no random order:

tony parker

okay so, he's the best point guard the san antonio spurs has.
and undeniably one of the greatest in the nba league.
tops people's most beautiful people in 2003.
he's excellent.
he's french.
and he's marrying eva longoria, maxim's top 1 hottest celebrity in 2006.

ugh.
i don't care.
but i totally broke down when i heard their incoming july 7 wedding in paris!!!
and fyi:: monica lhuillier is eva's gown designer!

as i've said, i don't care.
but i can't seem to.
ugh. shit.

colin farel


fuckingly sexy. haha. enough said. ;)

chad michael murray

he may not be totally handsome, but swear to gawd.. chad's as hot as inferno. oh no no no. im taking my words back. he's way hotter. his puppy look& his stare makes you wanna kiss him that bad. and due to one tree hill's popularity, i, by no means, get over him.

wentworth miller

i just can't grasp the reason why my reflexes fire up just seeing him in prison break ads.
gawd, he sizzles.


james lafferty

they say,
you cant taste the sweetest of life's sweets without going through life's bitterest.
but why should i go battling through life's bitters when sweetness comes with just a dose of james?

victor basa.


c'mon, gwapo mn xa!!
;)


borgy manotoc

he's an antithesis to our perception of Marcoses' late and dramatic entrances.

i love his english tongue.
but i hate it when he initiates petty-turned-major riots in bars.


then
there's alwyn uytingco.
and
m**** guy.

some reachable.
most are not.
but ALL are temporary.
hahai.

the temporary madnesses in life
;)
(hi raph!)

paminawa

You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water
Now I've gotten in too deep,
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.

You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me,
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what the mean,
I never thought that I'd love someone,
That was someone else's dream.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart,
But it might me a second too late,
And the words I could never say
Gonna come out anyway.

'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something,
'Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright,
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try,
Please give me something
'Cause someday I might know my heart.
Know my heart,
know my heart,
know my heart

xoxo

though waking up early
for our promised
breakfast in bed
was tiring,
twas all worth it.

happy anniversary!!

much love!

L word

I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear - Oprah

---
love over fear.
should i?

backscatter and baja

backscatter technology

"what's meant to protect us...
CAN
at the same time,
destroy us"

nat geo, in one of its specials, featured groundbreaking technologies that go two-way. backscatter provides us the optimum security we need from materials capable of snatching our lives in just a flick. scans through the most dense metals. more advanced than the all known x-ray. however, it breaches our privacy. in short, airports and companies employing this technology sees everything through people, and in people... minus the clothes.
or in shorter terms, let's you view people naked.
shortest term, nude.

opposition groups say it's bad:

seeing things we aren't supposed to see.
and lusting for what we can never have.

but hey, isn't that what makes the world more exciting?
;)

and

there's this BAJA beach club in Barcelona where being a VIP means having chips (a fraction bigger than rice grains) implanted in your system. it also means not having to pay for whatever you order. plus, an elite status. in fact in their media launch, some 'Grand Hermano' ('Big Brother' as translated) housemates carried in them the VIP status. owner Conrad Chase views this idea, special. yeah, special 'coz every single move and step of yours get tracked every single day. and it goes on until the rest of your life. unless you opt for surgery, there's no getting the implants back.

but at least, you don't have to pay. the chips do.

saag

in what seemed to be a series of winding paths and labyrinths of dirt roads and endless savannahs, i got lost. lost. for a reason i do not know of. for a reason unknowing of itself. but somehow, somewhere, i believed a reason existed. probably something my mind cannot grasp. or something i cannot articulate in the real sense.
yet, i still believed.
as i ran and ran to find my way back, what was once unknown became familiar to me.
realization then snapped.
the winding paths speak up for my mind-fickle.
the labyrinths- my heart and every bit of torturing emotion it has battled-- lust, jealousy, guilt, remorse, pride. and love.
and the seemingly never ending savannahs for my thoughts. my words. my foreplays (green as they are)- they who always find their way in but never their way out.
i am me.
and yet no matter how much i know myself, i end up losing the surface to the tip of the iceberg... my identity to questions.
i still get lost. lost. inside my head. winded up. desperately trapped in the crossfire between mind and matter.. head and heart. prisoned by my thoughts that seem to run faster than my metabolism. living my life simply meant being lost.
as i craved for an escape, what was once familiar became too familiar.

i needed to get lost
to find my way home
to know the road more
to know me more

and yes, life is too complex to be defined by just one time instances.
so the next time i get lost, i can only hope i could still find the way back.
and the reason to.

hey hoi

for people whose hearts have been savaged
again and again
heartbreak after heartbreak
that there seems to be no other resort
than dreams.

*love and respect to deviant artist, FlawedNoOne

love's pain

sheepishly i sat before an incandescent stall of juices and shakes. the wife had bought me a cup of piña colada, and had asked if she could rest her legs, meaning by this that i should get lunch for us both. she pointed to a self-service counter on whose wall hung a huge tarpaulin displaying the photographs of grilled chicken breast and steamed parrot fish and soup steaming from a bowl. much the indecisive person and seeing the long line of people there, i hemmed and hawed. but like a shot the wife advanced to the counter and in no time came back to our table with a tray of food.

her face displayed no resentment; in fact it betrayed a smile. i realized that she did what she did, not for a selfish reason but for some noble purpose, perhaps for something like love.

frequently falling short of the standard, i feel inadequate when talking about love. inescapably, when i refglect on what Jesus had said -- "A new command i give you: Love one another. As i have loved you, so you must love one another"- such as Pedro Calungsod comes to mind. Jesus loved by giving his life. so did pedro. when the natives threw spears at his friend and mentor, fr. diego luis de san vitores, pedro stepped in front of the priest, took a hit and died.

during an interview, joseph campbell told bill moyers about two policemen in Hawaii who drove up a road on a mountain ridge and chanced upon a man who had gone beyond the protective railing and was preparing to jump down the steep slope. the policemen stopped their car and one of them rushed out to grab the man, catching him just as he leapt. the policeman was himself being pulled over by the weight of the man when the second policeman arrived and dragged the two of them back to safety. later, a newspaper reporter told the first policeman that he could have killed himself, and asked him why he did not let go of the man. the policeman replied, "if i had let that young man go, i couldn't have lived another day of my life."

campbell mentioned that schopenhauer had posed the question how a human being could so take part in the peril of pain of someone taht without thought he or she would sacrifice his or her own life for the other. and in answer schopenhauer hypothesized that this arose from the human being's metaphysical realization that he or she and the other are one.

certainly, in whatever form it takes, whether it is of man for a woman, or of a parent for a child, or of a child for its parent, or of a man or a woman for a friend, or just the kindness that one shows to strangers-love becomes pure and true only in sacrifice. the giving of self does not always call for martyrdom, or for something dramatic or grand. it often just requires the surrender of comfort or convenience, or the joyful and patient endurance of the irritations of daily life and the annoyance that every so often arises from human association.

i know of someone, a telephone operator, who got called to duty on Christmas Eve. this was a special time for her family and they had prepared to celebrate it with attendance at midnight mass together and afterwards with a meal that she had made sure would delight the children as well as the adults. and of course there were gifts that they would give each other, which they had spent much time and money in choosing.

she left home with a heavy heart, and went about her work with an absent mind. but as she manned the switchboard, and heard the calls that came in from different parts of the globe-from spouses or siblings or children working abroad, who could not join their families for Christmas, her spirits lightened. eventually, something like joy filled her every time she linked family members together across time zones, and heard them tearfully greeting each other a merry Christmas. she herself felt a deeper bond with her family despite the fact that she had to leave her spouse and children for that Christmas eve. in passing up the chance to be with them for the sake of other families, her love for her own family became purer and truer.

after lunch, the wife and i left the mall. as we passed through a long corridor, she gave me an affectionate pinch on the arm. surely, i told myself, joseph campbell was right when he said that love is the pain of being truly alive.

--
by simeon dumdum, jr.

my boyfriend. ;)

i wish. haha

12 days

my left.


---
misses your right.

;)

Boy you should know that
I got you on my mind
Your secret admirer
I've been watching you

Chorus:
At night I think of you
I want to be your lady, baby
If your game is on, give me a call Boo
If your love is strong, gonna give my all to you
(repeat)

Every day I pray my heart can win
Every night I pray I can call you my man, yeah yeah yeah
I need you, I want you
To have you, hold you, squeeze you
So I'm going out every weekend
Just to see my Boo again

chorus

These feelings I have for you
They go deeper if you can come
Correct with your game boy
No, no, no you can't relate boy
But if you can please me
Then my love will come easy
I'll do anything you want
Freak me boy
I'm thinkin' of you

chorus

Boy you've got all I need
From what I see
And boy every night
I am constantly thinking of you

---
hmmm.. this just fits me well.
;)

trak-trak nga guba, ayuhon
pajamang gisi, tahian
awa-aw nga dalan, pabibuhon
nahanaw nga dram, pun-an
unya kung ang kasing-kasing mismo?
nasamdan sa gugma...
nagisi.naguba.
napatuyok sa bakak...
namingaw.nahanaw.
mahimo pa ba kining
mabuhi
mugana
sama sa una?

06h ride

i was with someone i terribly missed from highschool the past three hours.
the ride back home was euphoria.

**a guy wearing this boarded the jeep:


---
NOTE: he was sweating all over.
if i had just brought my fan along with me, i'd totally offer it to him. hesitations barred.
god i just cant get it why people find comfort in layered-slash-jacket-slash-sweater with hoodie- get-up amidst the heat.

**then the girls beside us totally forgot the fact of the existence of people (with ears) around them. and mistook the fact of a public utility jeep as private.

on likes and dislikes:
g1: sus, ang sushi luod man uy! isa pa lang ka slice, i cant take it!
g1: ang wasabe pud.
g2: vegetables diay?
g1: no. meat jud ko. i love meat jud. aw sauna pagkabata ganahan kaau ko ug kamatis, ambot lang karon... dili naman.
g2: then?
g1: dili sad ko mu kaon ug 'what you call that?' eggplant!
g2: ampalaya?
g1: yes. pilian jud ko.
dili jud ko anang mga 'buhokon'
---
whhhaaaatttt? say that again. buhokon? bwahahahaha.
so if you don't eat, you... what?

on fine events:
g1: unya ang fine dining sa velez! fine!
maski unsa lang imo buhaton para lang m.flat 1 ka ni sir, insulto kaau oi!

on not trusting people:
g1: i dont put my trust on other people.
(and then she mentioned guys but i was trying not to laugh my lungs out that i kind of lost track to where they were..)

malls:
g1: greenhills. glorietta.
g2: mao lagi, maski converse na ang brand sa akong bana mangita pjud ko ug lain brand.
g1: aw nindot jud ng converse aie!

on crushes:
g1: kaybaw njud c noel nga n.crush ko niya! buang mn gd ni si +john sabi niya: jackie oh, si noel crush mo! kakahiya kaau.
---
+ name forgotten.

on shopping for clothes:
g1: ay grabe sa baguio uy kay ang mga sales naa nalang display sa kalsada.
sa cubao pud dghan kaau ug ukay2x.
ang baclaran jud! murag carbon!

unforgettable places:
g1: ang manela dato man diay sa. ang mga poor places ang Tondo, then naay part sa QC.
g2: aaahhh..
g1: kanang makati, mura nxag bEsness center like ayala and IT Park.

g1: sus, ang mall sa baguio.. dili jud aircon! then sa gabii, ilahang iclose ang glass. sus, tugnawa lagi ghapon!
g2: unya?
g1: (loudly) pero wala pa ko ka.ad2g baguio.

g1: sa manela, kutob ra jud ko sa pampanga and batangas.

-----
we so thought you were blabbing from personal experience.


em & kim: lugar, noy.

the heck. i still have all her lines stucked in my mind. and with another ride beside her, i swear i can make a long, extensive and comprehensive biography! i can even fill up an autograph for her. haha!

the night was complete.
so much for all the laughter.
thank you, whoever you are. ;)