love's pain

sheepishly i sat before an incandescent stall of juices and shakes. the wife had bought me a cup of piña colada, and had asked if she could rest her legs, meaning by this that i should get lunch for us both. she pointed to a self-service counter on whose wall hung a huge tarpaulin displaying the photographs of grilled chicken breast and steamed parrot fish and soup steaming from a bowl. much the indecisive person and seeing the long line of people there, i hemmed and hawed. but like a shot the wife advanced to the counter and in no time came back to our table with a tray of food.

her face displayed no resentment; in fact it betrayed a smile. i realized that she did what she did, not for a selfish reason but for some noble purpose, perhaps for something like love.

frequently falling short of the standard, i feel inadequate when talking about love. inescapably, when i refglect on what Jesus had said -- "A new command i give you: Love one another. As i have loved you, so you must love one another"- such as Pedro Calungsod comes to mind. Jesus loved by giving his life. so did pedro. when the natives threw spears at his friend and mentor, fr. diego luis de san vitores, pedro stepped in front of the priest, took a hit and died.

during an interview, joseph campbell told bill moyers about two policemen in Hawaii who drove up a road on a mountain ridge and chanced upon a man who had gone beyond the protective railing and was preparing to jump down the steep slope. the policemen stopped their car and one of them rushed out to grab the man, catching him just as he leapt. the policeman was himself being pulled over by the weight of the man when the second policeman arrived and dragged the two of them back to safety. later, a newspaper reporter told the first policeman that he could have killed himself, and asked him why he did not let go of the man. the policeman replied, "if i had let that young man go, i couldn't have lived another day of my life."

campbell mentioned that schopenhauer had posed the question how a human being could so take part in the peril of pain of someone taht without thought he or she would sacrifice his or her own life for the other. and in answer schopenhauer hypothesized that this arose from the human being's metaphysical realization that he or she and the other are one.

certainly, in whatever form it takes, whether it is of man for a woman, or of a parent for a child, or of a child for its parent, or of a man or a woman for a friend, or just the kindness that one shows to strangers-love becomes pure and true only in sacrifice. the giving of self does not always call for martyrdom, or for something dramatic or grand. it often just requires the surrender of comfort or convenience, or the joyful and patient endurance of the irritations of daily life and the annoyance that every so often arises from human association.

i know of someone, a telephone operator, who got called to duty on Christmas Eve. this was a special time for her family and they had prepared to celebrate it with attendance at midnight mass together and afterwards with a meal that she had made sure would delight the children as well as the adults. and of course there were gifts that they would give each other, which they had spent much time and money in choosing.

she left home with a heavy heart, and went about her work with an absent mind. but as she manned the switchboard, and heard the calls that came in from different parts of the globe-from spouses or siblings or children working abroad, who could not join their families for Christmas, her spirits lightened. eventually, something like joy filled her every time she linked family members together across time zones, and heard them tearfully greeting each other a merry Christmas. she herself felt a deeper bond with her family despite the fact that she had to leave her spouse and children for that Christmas eve. in passing up the chance to be with them for the sake of other families, her love for her own family became purer and truer.

after lunch, the wife and i left the mall. as we passed through a long corridor, she gave me an affectionate pinch on the arm. surely, i told myself, joseph campbell was right when he said that love is the pain of being truly alive.

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by simeon dumdum, jr.