love casualty

i loved him with an admiration that made me feel incomplete yet never wanting to let go for i knew i was complete with him. i loved him with a fierce embrace that made me feel strong and wise and maternal. i loved him with a desperation that made me feel helpless, fragile and under his control. i loved him...


i never asked for too much. i only needed him to carry my pain just because it was too much for me to bear. i only needed him to hear my pleas, those silent screams of desperation, just because i wanted to keep our boat afloat. i only needed him to let down his guard just because i can't contain my own anymore. i needed him to be strong enough not to let me go. i needed him to grow-up, to be a man... even for the least chances. but for the least of all chances, he left me hanging. he wasn't there. he never was.

i loved him. and he loved me... but only less. period.


this could have been posted several months ago but i haven't really had the courage to publicly announce what should be kept private. or so i thought. but duh!! as if the total world population reads my blog.
haha.

no fuss, i never finished writing this anyway. needless to say, the bastard wouldn't care.


i am totally aware that i should have opted the choice of not posting this. but why suppress the only thing that could free me?ü

prologue

A woman once said that a man is like a deck of playing cards….

You need:

A heart to love him

A diamond to marry him

A club to smash his fucking head in

A spade to bury the bastard

come back to me, my creative muse

the incessant desire to write is

incessantly sucked by these manipulative

hands before it escapes from the mind

resulting to a miscarriage of words...

*mental foreplayer*

these violent delights have violent ends

~friar on Romeo and Juliet

A to Z of life

A - available / single?
very mutz single.

B - best friend?
nah, lots'f dem.

C - cake or pie?
cake.

D - drink of choice
hmmm.. tequila. vodka. frozen margaritas. nd water which equates itself with beer. lol

E - essential item u use everyday?
they wouldn't fit in here.

F - favorite color?
as long as they do the matching.

G - gummy bears of worms?
bears!! bears!! at least they dont rip my head off when i do that thing to them. haha

H - hometown?
cebu

I - Indulgence?
sweets. that refers to food nd 'watever' sweets. haha

J - January or February?
jan's for mourning... so feb's the 'happy' month...

K - kids & their names?
wai plano2x ui. haha

L - life is incomplete without?
loko2x nd fab friends.

M - marriage date?
dec 08, 20-whenever.

N - number of siblings?
two.

O - orange or apple?
apple whoring, any1?

P - phobias / fears?
dogs nd roaches. plain ewwness.

Q - favorite quote?
"why put on a raincoat when you're already wet?"

R - reason to smile?
love. but hurts deep within.

S - season?
Winter and summer!!!

T - tag 4 to 5 People?
gil! mumi! charly! orlee! jaan!

U - unknown fact about me?
i love you. ;>

V - vegetable U don’t like?
okra. ampalaya.

W - worst habit?
wen nervous... i bite my nails

wen uneasy... i straighten things, ask dumb questions, and even malfunction my words!

X - X-ray you’ve had?
yah, for dt colej applicaxn..

Y - your favorite food?
sweet nd sour stuffies..

Z - zodiac sign?
scorpio. so stingy!!

bewaaaaare.

a night with 5 souls

january 19, 2006

in the company of :

mr. martin 'yuchee' s. yutiu

mr/s. charles dominic 'charly' y. villano

ms. tess marie 'mommi' p. tan

mr. orlando 'orlee' a. agustin III

boring.
kapoi.
laay.
wish-i-could-have-stayed-at-home feeling.
these were exact ironies that night.

damn.
events you simply can't put to words?
believe me, they exist.

**photo by deviantArtist qulam**


ü

I.T. Park by ~qulam on deviantART

collisions of the heart

im stashin' emo pix lately.

im sooo digging them.

i can hardly believe it.

sweet.
sensible.

how i love emo!!!!! (good news, gil!) lol


*tears are perfect disguises of battered hearts.

**the heart is the only broken thing that still works.

*** "teddies don't hug you back but sometimes they're the only ones you've got" ***

..i hate teddies..

he said. she said.

girl:
i broke up with him today. i told him i wasn't happy. he didn't even ask why. i thought he would ask me to stay, but he didn't. he just let me go. just like that, i lost the guy i waited for so long... and the only reason why my heart still beats died within me.


guy:
she broke up with me today. she said she wasn't happy. i was too hurt to ask why. i wanted to stop her from leaving...but if she's not happy with me, there's no way i can make her stay. so i just let her go. and just like that, i lost the girl i've been dreaming for so long. and i can't find more reasons why this damned heart shouldn't stop beating.

my p.c's busted.

hu.hu.hu.

cant update every single day.

i mourn for saturday.